What Happens When a Child Refuses Court Ordered Visits in Vermont

Every few months, a new client comes to me and asks what the courts will do with a child who is refusing to participate in visits. Sometimes the client is the parent who isn’t getting the visits. Sometimes the client is the parent who has the child. It is usually a very difficult situation all around.

My client almost invariably tells me that they heard somewhere that under Vermont law a 14-year-old always gets a say in their schedule. THAT IS NOT TRUE! My best guess where this rumor came from is this law saying that a stepparent cannot adopt a 14-year-old stepchild without their consent. I also used to hear judges say that once a child gets car keys, the court order can say one thing, but the child is going to go where they want. Those judges were typically parents who had firsthand knowledge of parenting teenagers and/or had been on the bench long enough to see the consequences of their attempts to force visits.

My more recent experience with judges in Southern Vermont has been very different. I’ve seen decisions from different judges essentially saying that parents can exert control over their children, even teenagers, and the lack of visits is the result of the parent with the children not exerting enough pressure on the children to go. Sometimes, these judges have cited a Montana Supreme Court decision for support. This is not true of every situation, especially if there is clear evidence of physical abuse or severe emotional trauma to the child. I have noticed that these judges all are relatively new to the bench, have young children, and were career prosecutors or public defenders before becoming judges. It is possible their views will evolve and become more nuanced as time goes on.

For those parents who have a court-ordered contact schedule, I recommend you review this law, which lays out circumstances in which makeup visits are required and when refusal to follow the contact schedule can be excused and the order modified.

Finally, every parent in this situation needs to seriously evaluate the evidence surrounding the children’s refusal to participate in visits. I highly recommend you consult with an attorney before filing any non-emergency motions because there are rules of evidence, especially rules around hearsay, that could make your “slam dunk” case much weaker than you believe. That is doubly true if you are relying on your child’s statements.

A missed visit often starts as a practical problem before it becomes a legal one.

The takeaway for Vermont parents

What happens when a child refuses court ordered visits in Vermont depends on more than the child’s age or preference. The court will look at the order, the child’s reasons, the parents’ conduct, and whether there is evidence of harm.

The biggest misconception is the 14-year-old myth. A teenager may have a voice, but that does not automatically give the teenager control over the schedule.

For the parent missing visits, the answer is usually to document carefully and seek enforcement or clarification before too much time passes. For the parent with the child, the answer is usually to make a real effort to comply, avoid treating the schedule as optional, and go back to court if the order has become unsafe or unworkable.

A child’s refusal is a serious problem, not a simple loophole. The safest path is to respect the existing order, protect the child from real harm, and ask the court for help when those two duties collide.